The monthly "Modne Diagnozy" grew in strength and power.To gain even greater popularity, he decided to organize a literary competition for readers.The topic was “My concern.My calling” and the task was to describe how Sarmalandia's doctors meet the needs of patients, the expectations of the authorities and the requirements of the payer.The first place was unanimously awarded to the author of the memoir "A Helping Hand with a Glass of Water".This is the winning entry.Motto:“It's better to hit us with stones on the road"If you want, it doesn't mean you can"It was 7:01 a.m. when I briskly entered the POZ (Friendly Health Care) building.There was a large group of people in need of immediate help at the door of my office.About 150 people, I think.I greeted them with a smile and apologized most sincerely and from the bottom of my heart for my outrageous tardiness.After all, that's 60,000 milliseconds!Such a long waiting time can be fatal for a sick person with a runny nose, constipation or other sudden or serious condition.I expressed honest self-criticism, promised to improve immediately and explained the reasons for my lack of work.The child was whining and didn't want to leave me at the kindergarten.I left him alone at the door of this educational institution, after all he has to learn that he is not the most important thing in my life.He is three and a half years old - he is already a big boy and should be independent!There are patients waiting for me, so defenseless and helpless, and only I can help them!I shouldn't underestimate work, obligations and signed contracts. First place was unanimously awarded to the author of the diary 'A helping hand with a glass of water'.
Here is the winning entry
After completing the self-criticism, I shook each patient's hand to greet them.In the heat of the sheikhends, I didn't notice at first that one patient had a cast on his upper limb.I wanted to grab the other limb and, what bad luck, it was also plastered!Considering it my absolute duty to hug each patient's limb as a greeting and thus initiate an empathetic spiritual bond, without a moment's hesitation I leaned towards the lower limbs of the waiting patient plastered upstairs and warmly hugged them.The patients liked this gesture, and I also had a bonus for my nostrils, which vibrated for a long time after coming into contact with the aroma of the squeezed limbs, especially the lower ones.Since the poor people had to wait longer for the service they were absolutely entitled to, which they were supposed to receive in the office, I decided to while away the time by offering a glass of water to each of my lovely patients.I ran into the office, changed into my business attire and looked in the mirror to see if I looked professional enough. This uniform with wide black and white stripes suited my face, oh my face!
Then I grabbed the carbonator and took it out into the corridor to give a therapeutic glass of water to those waiting.We have had this gesture in the catalog of medical duties for a year.This is our symbolic care, invented by the medical services sales and marketing department.While pouring pure water for some thirsty people and water with juice for others, I noticed that someone took a photo of me.I thought it was probably a souvenir of a nice stay here.I quickly skipped the queue and went straight to work as a regular provider of medical services for our dear customers.I asked the first person waiting in a warm voice to read his ID number.That's right, ID, because I cannot so unceremoniously violate the law on the protection of our little ones' personal data by calling them by name and surname.After all, even when they are sitting in front of the office for sexually transmitted diseases [censored!], this does not necessarily mean that they have anything to do with these diseases.They could come for a visit just to check if I knew what I was doing, or simply use the subscription fee due to everyone.I understand and respect these rights and accept them in their entirety.
Motto: Better stones batter us on the highway if wanting doesn't mean being able to
The first beneficiary entered the office.I turned up the temperature of my warm voice to about 41oC and asked:– Please tell me what's wrong with you?The patient looked at me with the piercing eyes of a demanding partner in the diagnostic and therapeutic process and said in a tone that brooked no objections:– You should know what's wrong with me, that's probably why you're here!I apologized to him as kindly as I could:– Please forgive me, this is a reflex and a habit from an era that is rightly gone, when we used to start a conversation with a patient with these words.
Due to my shameful tardiness, I forgot that NEW MEDICINE WELCAME, LET OLD GO ON! is now in force.I would venture to say that your condition is located below the diaphragm, is that correct?“Anyway, keep talking,” the beneficiary replied firmly.– Is it between your legs?– I asked in a charming voice.– Bingo, ha ha ha – replied the partner of the diagnostic and therapeutic process wittily.– Heeehhhheeee – I reacted instinctively, dazzled by his brilliant sense of humor.– Then let me clarify whether the honorable gentleman indulged in extramarital pleasures?– I did not marry you and I will not confess.This could make you angry!– the beneficiary scolded me.– Okay, okay, okay, please don't be nervous.It is human to indulge in pleasure.I will have to prescribe you an antibiotic.We have several antibiotics to choose from on the menu for a disease acquired outside of marriage.Here's the list.What do you wish, dear sir?– What is the tastiest and what do you recommend?I just need to be reimbursed!– Do you have proof of health insurance?– I asked, perhaps a little imprudently.“None of your business,” the beneficiary replied elegantly.– All right, all right, I'm just asking pro forma because it's in the survey.
If it turns out that you don't have insurance, I'll be happy to pay.After all, that's what I'm here for.I quickly wrote out the prescriptions and provided my account number on a separate piece of paper, just in case, so that the control from the National Payer Brotherhood would know which bank to send the invoice for the treatment costs if it turned out that the insurance status of the recipient of my services was slightly wrong..The next beneficiary had high blood pressure and needed repeat medications.– What medications are you taking?– I asked to start a conversation.– You don't remember???!– he was rightly outraged.– I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!These are still my old-style conversation habits.I need to improve, I think I'll sign up for a postgraduate course in Empathic Medicine of the 21st Century.Yes, I see I have to do that.– Well, you seem resistant to this medicine focused on the recipient.After all, we educated you with our taxes, we maintain your institutions, and somehow you cannot understand that this is a different era.
Beneficiaries wearing suits masking their identity receive a Empathetic Glass of Water
– I promise to improve, I assure you.Then the third one came in, the fourth one, the next one, and before I knew it, the 150th one came in.It went by quickly!I also filled out 117 fields for the payer, added full ICD 10 diagnosis codes, stamped the paper documentation and signed electronically with a qualified signature, which I was happy to purchase for several hundred virtual reales so that my reports would not raise the slightest doubt as to their authenticity.I was about to go pick up my child from kindergarten when I received a phone call from the deputy manager for contacts with the National Brother Payer.I picked up the phone without the slightest delay and checked in as required:– The healthcare provider with licency number 243547 reports to the management.What can I do better and more efficiently?– Relax, my friend.– Thank you for your kindness, Headmistress.– I have one unpleasant case here that has a serious impact on our entire facility and unfortunately it is because of you.– I'm listening, Headmistress, how can I fix it and what's going on, if I may ask timidly?– Do you remember how today you made your morning rounds to hydrate the beneficiaries?- Yes of course.Although I was late by as much as 60,000 milliseconds, I sincerely apologized to all those suffering for this mistake.
– Well, that's good, but here's another thing.You were pouring water from the carbonator and one of the people in the queue took a photo of you, right?– Yes, I thought it was a souvenir, it was so nice and nice.– You are a thinker of seven pains!It was an inspection by the National Brother Payer carried out under the "mystery beneficiary" formula, and the photo is evidence in the case.It turns out that you poured 95% of the cup's capacity, and in the offer description we stated that we provide 100% hydration.And now our offer is considered inconsistent with what it is in reality.The fine will amount to 33% of the contract...– Director, I take everything upon myself.Please deduct from my salary.It's my fault, a very big fault.No one else can suffer financially because of this.I promise to improve.I am about to sign up for the postgraduate course Empathetic Medicine of the 21st Century.– Well, I wish this was the last time for me – said the manager kindly.– I promise, director, I know that I am just a small cog in the great machine of helping our beneficiary.I know how much work the general manager, his six deputies, and the entire supervisory board have.I humbly ask for forgiveness.– I forgive you, I forgive you – said the manager.Stone fell from my heart.I quickly went to kindergarten.My son was the last baby to be picked up, but whatever!The most important thing is that today I did not disappoint anyone in my work and I gave my all, maybe even more than everything.I think that such a penalty for not refilling water in cups will probably not end with just one salary.But this is a trifle, a tiny detail compared to the great work in which I am involved.Always and everywhere, I remember that I am just a small cog in the great work of helping our dear beneficiaries.
The competition was recognized by the Ministry of Only Good Decisions, especially the idea of hydrating patients.
Due to the budget collapse due to the epidemic of reimbursed prescriptions, intensive promotion of hydrotherapy in its various forms began.Minister Bartolomeo Karierra-Nieuwierra did not miss any opportunity to promote this treatment method.Invited to the To-Nie-Ten television station, he talked about hydrotherapy:This-Not-This: - Minister, how should doctors care for patients?Minister: – Ooooh, it's very simple, often a simple human gesture is enough.This-Not-This: – What gesture, Mr. Minister, please be more clear.Minister: – Just give me a GLASS OF WATER!This-Not-This: – But when should you give this glass of water: before the visit to the doctor, after the visit, during the visit?Minister: – INSTEAD OF A VISIT, editor!!!INSTEAD!!!It's obvious!Water has many valuable properties, first of all it flushes out the sick desire to use our wonderful system!Moreover, it calms down.And if someone does not help a glass of water instead of visiting a doctor and is still worried about his health, he can buy very good tablets available without a prescription, they are called Nastrach.I take them myself when I go to the boss's carpet, and I feel very good after them.This-Not-This: – Minister!But isn't this an illegal advertisement for a drug by a doctor, which you still are?Minister: - I am a doctor when I treat a single patient, but in my current job I treat "We, the nation" and that is a mission!It's probably obvious that I have to look after the interests of my superiors, and it's not inappropriate to describe how I prepare for a visit to my boss.This-Not-This: - Well, of course, how could we forget that there is only one minister here, but two people, that's something completely different.Thank you for this valuable information.And now, ladies and gentlemen, it's time to advertise pills that help everyone, even ministers.
The sponsor of the broadcast was the company I PURE WATER AND HOPE
(WODĘ LEJĘ I MAM NADZIEJĘ) and the manufacturer of tranquilizing tablets ON FEAR (NA STRACH.)
Summary of product characteristics Empathetic Glass of Water
1. Name of the medicinal productEmpathetic Glass of Water.
2. Qualitative and quantitative compositionWater has been pouring since the morning.
3. Pharmaceutical formEmpathic water reaching the patient's heart through the stomach.
4. Detailed clinical dataWater H2O plus EmPaTiA.
4.1.Intended useDeficiency of empathy in the patient's body received from the doctor as a result of direct contact.
4.2.Dosage and method of administrationAdults: Quantum satis.Elderly: Be careful not to lead or overempathize.Children: Respond better to Brave Patient stickers.Use in patients with renal and hepatic failure: Reduce the dose by half.
4.3.ContraindicationsLeft and right ventricular failure.
4.4.Interactions with other productsUnknown.
4.5.Effects on fertility, pregnancy and lactationEmpathetic Water Glass INSTEAD lowers fertility.
4.6.Side effectsIncreased diuresis with high doses.
